The Team

Cocktail List Food Menu

Steve

From: Southamption (Poor him)

Age: 26

Time at lab: 1 year

Likes: Spending all his wages at All Saints, irritatingly ambiguous tattoos, the bins behind Leicester Square tube station.

Spirit category: None. All he cares about are designer clothes. And wrestling.

Steve’s receding hair line and inability to look you in the eye may at first be disconcerting but fear not, once he’s plied you full of tequila (providing you are female) , you’ll be so drunk you won’t even notice the tattoo on his arm actually says ‘cu*t’.

Josh

From: Staines (I know that’s even worse than Southampton)

Age: 28

Time at lab: 9 months

Likes: Making friends at El Camion, Waterloo station floor, driving (prior to ban)

Spirit category: It doesn’t matter; he’ll invariably get banned from drinking it

Josh joined us from Bournemouth last year. His flawless timekeeping record and zero tolerance to drinking in the workplace have quickly made him a firm favourite here at LAB.

Jumbles

From: London, Zone 15

Age: 21

Time at lab: 3 months

Likes: Peeling potatoes, peeling carrots, peeling his flesh.

Spirit category: Anything that he can sterilise a wound with.

Once you finally come to terms with the fact that someone would call their child by such a ridiculous name, you will soon come to realise the potential of our newest addition here at LAB. Coming from a circus background, Jumbles (yes I know) will dazzle you with ice work, baffle you with bottle work, and then probably just cut his finger off.

Nice one.

Luis

From: Spain

Age: 33

Time at lab: 9 months

Likes: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I don’t know...

Spirit category: Shminky pinky chris waddle (& Licor 43)

LAB took Luis on board as part of a London wide project aiming to aid little people in destitute circumstances due to the deepening recession in Spain. That and he’s useful for cleaning small spaces.

Dez

From: Norfolk

Age: Rumoured to be really old. Like 40

Time at lab: 1 year

Likes: Resembling Prince in an almost frightening way, doing this really annoying humming thing at inappropriate times, dangling things from his ear lobes.

Spirit category: Probably something old people drink. Like Sherry.

The words ‘abra cadabra rat a tap tap’ and a decimated Strawberry GP let you know Dez is in the house. Like a Sri Lankan, sexually deviant version of Paul Daniels, Dez can often be found trying to seduce young ladies via the medium of ‘magic’. Fortunately however he makes quite nice drinks.

Kyle

From: Brighton. (Not gay)

Age: 27

Time at lab: 2 years

Likes: Unblocking toilets, cleaning up sick, aiding the unemployment crisis in Spain.

Spirit category: I don’t drink actually.

The lynch pin. The one that holds it all together, when not showering his staff with unequivocal praise and gratitude, Kyle can regularly be found up in the office re writing the human resources manual, or in the Golden Lion on round the corner.